Select Paintings + Writings 2024
We need to redefine the parameters of success going forward: absolutely critical — shift from [material + power] to [elemental + intellectual]. Cheers to Liberated Souls!
Marc Pakbaz
JOURNAL Summer 2024 | Highly recommend listening to this series of talks on headphones as a focused activity, not while walking or doing anything but as a private solo sit down meditation: Urgency of Change - The Krishnamurti Podcast | Krishnamurti on Space - June 19, 2024.
Space without an object is freedom.
Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895 - 1986)
FEATURE Summer 2024
When I go into my North Miami Beach Studio to paint, I just rely on what I see — spontaneous gestural movements — because it all happens very fast, no doubt in a trance.
I’ve been asked by friends: do you listen to music when you paint? No, you wouldn’t hear it anyway; painting for me is a close both eyes to see with your third eye (sub-conscious) type of ephemeral state. When I go into the Studio, I don’t fuck around. I go in, make a painting and walk out — a low volume endeavor despite having a permanent working studio. By the way, it’s always while sober because I drink to relax, I don’t paint to take it easy!
When I first started painting, it was 2014 and I had ended up in Denver with the intention of deciding to live there after over a decade in Southern California (LA & San Diego) — family lives there. I leased a dedicated Art Studio space in a warehouse for 6 months in RiNo (River North) to explore painting. It was a brutal EXP to walk into an empty industrial space in the morning, cold and start painting.
That was the impetus for my previous long running Tumblr blog — JOURNAL by Marc Pakbaz (June 2014 - April 2023). I would read poetry, philosophy & literature excerpts, look at stimulating photography as a warm-up before painting. Joyous moments were had but overall it was not enjoyable, it was only after I went with my current Live/Work setup in North Miami Beach and dropped off any commercial necessity that it all opened up, became meaningful, personal — visceral.
Inexplicable to talk about it: over time, painting becomes both about intimacy + intellectual honesty. How so? You’re sharing a language from within, an energy you’ve spent years working on. If you’re an intense person at the core, it’s going to reveal itself; intellectual honesty comes into play because for me, I see no separation between living a life as a painter with living a life as an intellectual, broadly the same endeavor of living as a pure being.
So fast forward now to nearly a decade of painting and I have a vey distilled approach — purely about potent gestural energy. I no longer labor on canvases for days, layering, subtracting and so on, I go head first so to speak and the result is pure gestural moves on raw canvas (priming the reverse side). I stand by the work, a language that’s taken me a long time to develop.
JOURNAL Summer 2024 | One more, ‘Uno Mas’ as they say: I took pigment/charcoal sticks to an existing oil painting of mine! Boulder 1990 was when I was 19, sophomore year at CU Boulder — and the rest? Purely spontaneous musings/memories from ski trips (triple diamond) : a highlight period of my life!
You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.
Thich Nhất Hạnh (1926 - 2022)
FEATURE Spring 2024
Wet Skin | Fresh Eyes Let’s Get Lost in Slow Living
Photo of Peter Beard, Montauk Pt. (1979) by Larry Fink in Whitney Museum Collection
Incredible, the Dream!
Henry: it’s so quiet today, and the sea so blue, and now the garden wall is built ...
Drop everything and leave someone in charge of your mail. Just wrap [Tropic of] Capricorn in a red wool shawl and bring your portable [typewriter] along with you.
I can give you a deep cool room with two windows over the sea, bright rugs on the floor, a desk and some books, an encyclopedia and a dictionary. Bring a woman too with you; that would make it an even keel for the days which come and go silently.
We could sail and bathe in the mornings, have a fine sunny lunch with wine; then a long afternoon siesta; bathe before tea and then four hours work in a slow rich evening.
Lawrence Durrell (Excerpt from a letter to Henry Miller circa July 1938) (The Durrell- Miller Letters: 1935-1980)
Art of Living Is the Game — While Working With What You Have!
I was turned on to Lawrence Durrell (1912-1990) by way of Henry Miller (1891-1980) as I purchased a used copy of The Durrell-Miller Letters: 1935-1980 from Amazon to gain greater intimacy with Miller’s work.
Durrell befriended Miller after expressing admiration for Tropic of Cancer (1931) and that kicked off their relationship. Reading the letters is like a fantasy: two brilliant intellectuals with a sense of humor and mastery of the art of living at their peak exchanging narratives and life observations — cool, dreamy stuff as they no doubt both enjoy getting into it. I don’t recommend reading the letters in any chronological order because I find it more potent to just open the book and read 4 or 5 pages to get a taste — hear the voice — rather than focusing on following a linear chronology.
Durrell is a true master of slow living in my view, in particular the time he lived on the island of Corfu in Greece as well as Cyprus. Durrell wasn’t piss poor but lived cheaply and simply while still fully indulging in sensory pleasure and intellectual stimulation in context of slow living — a role model of sorts! Even more so today because it’s now more of a possibility to drop out.
Bit of a tangent here: people don’t realize and this is a critical contextual point for a better understanding of art history, real estate development did not exist in the sense of what we know today until the late 1970’s and later boomed in the 1980’s due to the introduction of securitization (pooling loans and selling them as income to investors), that innovation started a massive lending industry and began gentrification. So before then, artists in the early 1900’s (Picasso & Modigliani) up to the late 1970’s were able to live with very little money because a lot of areas were run down, neglected or even straight up abandoned (industrial buildings) with no capital or credit even being available for improvements.
In extreme contrast to today, where every inch of land is heavily scrutinized by real estate developers for potential to make money and the profile of a developer is now super-broad from small players (literally one person shops) to hedge funds and institutions.
Marc Pakbaz
For Me, A Prelude to Slow Living — Turn it Up!
I rolled a cigarette and licked the paper.
Then a match in the little house of my hand. The wind was blowing.
I sat on the road at noon,
Thinking and thinking.
So many things have passed, so many things.
Czeslaw Milosz (1911-2004) (Insanity - New and Collected Poems: 1931 - 2001)
JOURNAL Spring 2024 | Discovered a lovely furnished villa rental in Portugal — Casa da Volta — 1.5 hour drive outside of Lisbon, 30 minutes to the beaches of Alentejo.
Minimal design, low maintenance, economical footprint, designed to endure, the vistas look lovely with hillsides scattered with cork trees, very keen to visit small town Portugal as I’m in complete agreement with the operating philosophy of Casa da Volta.
I love living in Miami Beach but if the opportunity presents itself years from now, I want to live in a more remote area that’s beautiful of course! This area is a good place to start exploring in Portugal!
FEATURE Spring 2024
If you live in a residential single family home in South Florida with a good size backyard (most pre-2000 subdivisions qualify as newer subdivisions are more compact) and are not encumbered by any HOA restrictions of a gated community adjoining a golf course, then a brilliant move is to build an Accessory Dwelling Unit (ADU).
Current advances in design/build allow for rapid, affordable buildouts in a very compact footprint; it's all about having an intelligent layout customized for how you use the space.
Your ADU can be used as a guest suite for visiting friends or relatives, an income generating seasonal Airbnb or a home office — also a party pad if you have college age kids!
Phenomenal ROI as both investment and experiential outcome — will be wildly popular! I’m a huge fan and strongly advocate for ADU’s for those who own a single family residence.
Drop me a line at marcpakbaz@gmail.com for a Free Initial Consultation. As a first step, I will research the local feasibility to determine what is allowable with detailed, actionable specificity at no cost to you based on location of your parcel. ADU’s are permissible as detached or attached.
FEATURE Spring 2024
So what is your setup? Where do you live?
Wet Skin | Fresh Eyes Welcome to Elemental Living, Come on In!
Sous le Soleil Series 01
Oil on Canvas | H 60 in x W 48 in Marc Pakbaz
Sous le Soleil translates to under the sun; I realized in a series, what I see from days spent letting go, being liberated under the sun — what I live for!
Sous le Soleil Series 03
Oil on Canvas | H 60 in x W 48 in Marc Pakbaz
When I say: I’ve lived with my paintings, the reason that’s relevant is that your day to day EXP begins to develop an interplay with your peripheral awareness.
I moved Sous le Soleil 03 to my feature spot in my Living Room Gallery last week and now I’m living with it!
I got back from my lunch trip on Friday, poured a glass of wine and suddenly all the lovely views of the ocean from earlier saturated my headspace/consciousness while I’m sitting next to my painting — a magical vibe!
This is why I offer Studio Visits by appointment: potent beauty of the ocean & lush dunes in Miami plus the atmospherics of living by the beach, when you bring that flow home, then EXP the energy of the paintings, it puts you in an elevated state — life altering, something you need to EXP in-person.
Dog Beach Torrey Pines
Oil on Canvas + pigment/charcoal sticks | H 60 in x W 48 in Marc Pakbaz
Ocean Dog Beach is an ocean dog park in Torrey Pines. I took pigment/charcoal sticks to an existing oil painting of mine. This is something I’ve been getting into lately: taking a highlight moment in my life and then in the moment hitting the canvas with sticks.
As I get older, I’m increasingly fascinated by this self-inquiry: what do you still remember vividly? What moments do you see as foundational (core) — what enduring residue informs your experiential capacity — that’s critical for crafting an EXP.
Here’s a poem I wrote in my JOURNAL a few years ago about Ocean Dog Beach:
‘Alone Together’
by Chet Baker & Bill Evans is playing.
somewhat rare drizzle of rain
wet black pavement —
we are driving
to ocean dog beach in Torrey Pines.
your black lab is released
into the frenzied motion
(around 10-15 dogs out playing).
it’s exhilarating to take in the vibe —
crashing surf, massive rocky cliffs
warm, loving energy of dogs
plus the light spray of salt water
that gets in your eyes.
Marc Pakbaz (salt water in your eyes - August 19, 2021)
FEATURE Fall 2024
I’ve engaged with an ongoing JOURNAL since I was a teenager — started carrying those black graph paper notebooks around, then Moleskine to now exclusively on iPad Notes. Here’s a selection of Vignettes I wrote spanning the last few years. It’s a huge joy, inexplicable where it comes from, to step into silence with a lovely jazz playlist playing on low volume in the background and narrate scenes from lived EXP. Cheers to no distractions!
Vignettes vol 01 — 2021-2023
Oceans in Between Us
Oil on Canvas | H 60 in x W 48 in Marc Pakbaz Spring 2024
Shown in North Miami Beach Studio
01
Cold, rapidly flowing water — we are at Boulder Creek sitting on some large rocks. Scattering of melted snow, slush, lovely outgrowth of plants with tangled branches, I exhale smoke up into the cool air, smiling as I hand you the bowl.
You bring out a perfume sample, dab your wrists, rub them together, then across your neck & breasts. I reach into the stream, to feel the sensation of ice cold flowing water.
At West End Tavern, we order pints, burgers: taste of charr-grilled meat, garlic aioli on a toasted bun is satisfying with thick-cut fries. Side of creamy cole slaw works well to cleanse the palate between bites.
A friend stops by our table as we are finishing up, invites us over for Friday night — tomorrow. I’ve been to his place a few times before. He has a posh setup in North Pearl, it’s not clear if he has any roommates. I asked him once and he said it’s all his but I know people who are regularly crashing at his place.
- January 30, 2023
02
I show up to pick her up but she’s not ready yet. No worries, go ahead and get ready. I’m looking at the outfits she has laid out on her bed while she’s in the shower. I tell her to pick something else, jeans instead of a dress because his parties are pretty wild; the last one I went to, I saw a bunch of people sleeping around his house as I left in the early morning.
Initially, his parents bought the house so they could live together while he attended university but quickly realized that wasn’t going to work out, moved to Denver and only see him on Sundays; they’re originally from Palos Verdes Estates in Southern California.
Clear night sky, I have my arm around her waist as we walk to the party. Nice buzz of activity on the street, people are meeting up, standing together, you can hear the music as we open the sidewalk gate.
- January 30, 2023
03
Behind the band are red floor lights, no sound mixing board, just the raw sound from guitar/bass plugged directly into amplifiers, lot of feedback/distortion. Intense, passionate performance by the band even though the microphone for the lead singer is drowned out by the instruments; set list was a mix of covers and a few originals, cover of Aerosmith’s Dream On got everyone jacked up.
We go outside, sitting on a deep set couch on the backyard deck. Two of her friends come over, she gets up and embraces them and they start talking. I tell them that I’m going inside to get us all another round.
It’s too crowded by the keg, so I toss our cups in the trash and decide to look around for our host. I don’t see him, so I go upstairs; the first room is locked, I open the second and two couples are having sex, one on the bed, the other on the floor. I open the last door and the bed has been pushed to the corner and a group of people are kicked back on the floor sitting on tribal cushions with pillows.
As soon as he sees me, he puts his hand up in the air, comes over, puts his hand on my shoulder: come in, sit down. I tell him that I’m with someone and she is with her friends and they’re not going to be down with this scene. He says okay and tells me to look in the fridge if I want a drink. I open the fridge, there’s no food in it or any condiments or any indication there ever was, I laugh to myself as I grab four bottles of beer.
After we finish our drink, we walk home, immediately getting in bed.
END
- January 31, 2023
01
We are at the pool with our big mugs of coffee, an assortment of scones: blueberry, cinnamon & walnut and poppyseed. I grind & brew with a splash of organic half & half, she’s more of a coffee purist and drinks it black. Sitting cross-legged on loungers, 48 units in this complex in Pacific Beach and nobody else is even out here at 9 a.m. on Saturday. I want half of another scone after finishing the cinnamon, we split one and have a few left over for tomorrow.
Let’s go for a drive up the coast to Black”s Beach in Torrey Pines, we’ll take a volleyball, do a beach hike and then find a good spot for lunch later in Solana Beach.
Glider Port is a dirt parking lot located adjacent to the Salk Institute, in that area of La Jolla, you have UC San Diego as well as many top-notch bio-technology companies. I don’t recall any signs being posted to this dirt parking lot with beach access but it’s well-known by locals.
Somewhat steep climb down the cliff to get to the beach, it’s a rush once you hit the shoreline and do a 360 of where you are: surrounded by high abrasive rocky cliffs, crashing surf, a lovely stretch of beach — what a phenomenal sensory immersion!
We have easy beach access in Pacific Beach from the walking path in front of our place, so we only come up here for a change of scene, when we’re in the mood for a drive or day trip. It was always very sparsely populated when we went, that added to the sense of spaciousness.
We’re practicing jump serves, it’s fun, the ball is sandy & wet, so it was more about distance than placement, how far can you hit it.
- November 11, 2022
02
Stretched out on my back, you straddle me on the beach, I put my arms around you, the contour of my body is pressed into the sand.
We are walking in the breaking waves, suddenly I remember the piercing sound of Arturo Sandoval’s trumpet, it comes to me in the manner of a climax.
Now with buoyancy of breath, clear eyes, I step into rhythm — enter an elevated state — begin to sense an intimacy with the elemental beauty of us, our relationship, nature, the planet. I ask you how many centuries do you think it took for those cliffs to take their current form by way of erosion, tectonic shifts?
We are at a wood-fired pizzeria in Solana Beach, the first beach town past Torrey Pines. We have a view of the stone hearth oven from our seats at the bar, ordering a bottle of cabernet, the glasses are big, high quality crystal, it’s a nice atmospheric to swirl wine in the big glasses.
I’m wearing a well-worn denim shirt, you rub your hand on my chest to get some sand off while taking a sip of wine. You recently got highlights at a salon, the soft, warm lighting at the bar vividly accentuates the streaks in your hair, looks lovely.
Our pizzas are plated, cut and placed in front of us; bubbling hot with a thin elastic crust, very light, so flavorful & tasty; we both went vegetarian: blend of mushrooms for me and eggplant & zucchini for you.
- November 11, 2022
03
Several candles are lit/glowing including a scented Diptyque Baies, we are lying in bed. Bebel Gilberto radio on Spotify is playing — mostly female singers with a slow, relaxing vibe.
She has thick dark green blackout curtains in her bedroom, it’s pitch black in the background, away from the candles, as a ceiling fan provides a breeze. Her place is in Little Italy, that’s downtown San Diego, we spend time at both our places — less than a 15 minute drive to Pacific Beach.
We are talking about a minimal canopy bed design, she wants a canopy bed with linen curtains for the atmospherics. I tell her it would be easy to make one, the only issue to consider is dark walnut, black stain or unstained/exposed; for natural wood, you need to go to a commercial lumber yard, Home Depot doesn’t have what you’re looking for.
She turns on a hanging pendant light, dimmed to where it provides just enough light to read and brings out a few poetry books: Anne Sexton & Frank O’Hara. We read a single poem, then give it some space to open up — she asks me: how do you interpret that, what does it do to you? I get up, walk to the fridge, pour us two glasses of chilled watermelon-infused sparkling water, light a joint, then respond! Good times!
END
- November 12, 2022
01
Dizzy Reece’s ‘Round About Midnight comes on as I’m lighting a lavender incense — a lovely tune.
You made a salad with thinly sliced apples, bleu cheese & candied walnuts to go with a margherita pizza I picked up. We’re sitting at the edge of the couch enjoying our lunch. It’s overcast & raining on and off for the rest of the day so we are staying home and will head out tomorrow when it clears up.
Our living room has a nice scale/proportion to it, not too big, not too small — intimate and setup for how we use it. You have to design for use, that’s critical; for instance, when we get home after being out in the sun, a white couch isn’t going to work as it would become disgusting from stains very quickly. We have a zero maintenance setup that is durable, suitable for our use and built to last.
After lunch, I move to the yoga mat so we are at a better line of sight for talking as you stretch out on the couch. I was getting into some old issues of ARTFORUM so much, I decided to subscribe, a new issue arrived today; I have it open and we’re talking about one of the pieces being shown.
- November 09, 2022
02
I’m standing by the window looking at the grey sky as light rain is falling, noticing how alive/vibrant the banana leaf plants are when wet, taking a moment to admire the changing gradations of green in relation to light falloff.
I join you in the kitchen as you prepare some bowls of fruit (blueberries & blackberries), opening the fridge to refill our wine glasses. You request a more upbeat playlist, a bluesy early Stones track is playing, you take the remote and turn it up; YouTube travel videos are on with the volume muted, sailing, exploring the islands of Australia.
I’m standing on the yoga mat, drinking wine, watching the video as you dance by the window looking out at the intra-coastal waterway. You excitedly say the sky is clearing, opening the backyard door, letting in a fresh breeze.
It’s going to be a nice sunny day tomorrow, let’s go on a long bike ride — where do you want to go?
END
- November 10, 2022
01
Flamenco guitar from Andalucía, España on my airpods — we did a long beach hike on the crushed gravel/sand/brick walking path starting from behind the Ritz -Carlton Bal Harbour all the way to 45th Street (just under 6 miles).
It’s a bad idea to walk a longer distance than 5-6 miles in hot blazing sun because you feel completely drained much later that night from the loss of electrolytes — learned this lesson twice, then never again my first year in Miami Beach as it happens regardless of how much water you drink.
No doubt this is deep sun sweat at its finest — I know where all the water fountains are including friendly hotels, ones where you can walk up to iced lemon water without being a hotel guest as this is the nearest, most accessible beach walk for us from our place.
It’s a remarkably clarifying sensory EXP without any comparison — life altering — because of the immersive, lush atmospherics.
Just past noon as we reach 45th Street, we hop on the free beach trolley for a ride to Lincoln Road. We go in a nearby hotel and use the restrooms, freshen up, splash water on our faces.
We are now kicked back in the shade, by some plants on an outdoor terrace with good people watching.
- November 07, 2022
02
We order cold pints of Elysian Space Dust IPA, a Seattle-based micro-brewery. Food here is mediocre but the vibe is great for kicking back, we order a basket of fries to share, we’ll go somewhere better after a pint or two for lunch.
Group of young Italians on vacation are next to us occupying a couple tables, the guys are watching an UEFA Champions League soccer match; FC Barcelona is playing on the outdoor TV, getting super-animated during scoring opportunities. We are at a round table facing the pedestrian walkway as the Italians are behind us, one of the 20-something girls with them has lovely green eyes with her legs stretched out on an empty chair facing us, people watching, away from the game action.
I love tacos, in Miami Beach I find them to be the perfect food for lunch. Why? Intense heat & humidity severely affects your energy level after exercise, so small portions with intense flavors are optimal, tacos offer ideal flexibility for this, grilled bamboo skewers of meats & vegetables are also excellent; anything with rice & beans or thick breads are the absolute worst because the food sits in your stomach like a rock for the next 4 hours and you feel like shit (tired).
Our fries are tasty, the hot crispy, salty skins dipped in ketchup followed by the cold, complex hoppy finish of the beer, we order another round and ask for the check, so we can leave when we want and find a place for lunch without waiting.
- November 08, 2022
03
Blue corn tortillas are made fresh in-house, we order a tray of 8 tacos: 2 asada, 2 chorizo, 2 barbacoa and 2 al pastor at Taquiza (14th & Collins). We’re devouring it, LOL, really hits the spot — the medley of flavors tastes/feels amplified from the sun & sweat of our beach walk.
We start a conversation about salt, how fascinating a mineral it is! Now we are sitting on the steps, in the shade with a view of the ocean off the boardwalk amongst the lush dunes.
Do you want to go to the Surfcomber Hotel and play outdoor ping pong with a pitcher of sangria or should we catch an Uber home?
END
- November 08, 2022
01
We are sitting on barstools on the interior of an indoor/outdoor bar with a boardwalk view at Tower 23 in San Diego. I”m wearing a linen button down shirt with a soft contour mostly unbuttoned with board shorts and flip flops. She is wearing a yellow slip dress with cork wedge espadrilles.
This is our favorite bar in San Diego, I would personally stop in here at least twice a week when I lived in Pacific Beach, sometimes solo. SoCal (Southern California) is west facing so this bar was right on the beach boardwalk with sunset views; I was an acquaintance of the design architect of the hotel/bar, met him at a talk he gave and subsequently would run into him around town and friends with the general manager.
I’m not into sweet drinks but the Mai Tais here were something else (not artificial or low quality junk juice), truly amazing, it just went with the warm vibe of tanned bodies, sunset & people watching.
My rental in Pacific Beach was a studio, decent size, not tiny at all, the location was phenomenal, right on the walking path; I would walk or bike to the beach on a near daily basis.
- November 01, 2022
02
A friend has invited us over for dinner tonight, it’s around 5 and the sun sets at 7 this time of year. We’re getting hungry, we order IPA pints for our second round, looking at the Happy Hour menu. We don’t want to kill our appetite as a lot of good food will be available at the party so we order a bowl of edamame & an eel roll (4 pieces) to share. Pickled ginger is placed on the roll, dipped in soy sauce, a lovely intense flavor washed down with an ice cold west coast IPA.
I close out our tab and we walk to a nearby bench; this stretch of Pacific Beach is elevated on a cliff, the beach is below, we embrace while taking in the view. Longboard skateboarders, people walking their dogs are passing behind us. It’s a mesmerizing scene: the sun is low but not near the horizon line, full blast as I push my sunglasses up; it’s about a 25 minute walk to the party — let’s go!
- November 01, 2022
03
We stop to pick up a bottle of wine on the way, the selection isn’t good as it’s a small grocery store in a strip mall, she suggests a six pack of good beer is better than taking wine in this case, so we do that along with a bouquet of flowers.
Our host has an old house that’s been fully renovated — one story about 1,500 square feet or even smaller (it’s not big) but is in a great location with a fantastic backyard deck.
I’m hanging out by the grill with the guys and the ladies are kicked back on custom made outdoor daybeds. Tonight’s menu: grilled salmon filets, asparagus, bamboo skewers of chicken/peppers/onions and a spinach salad.
His girlfriend used to be a bartender but now works in renovating & selling homes along with the host. She made an amazing cocktail punch with spices floating in it — tastes really good and definitely has a strong kick to it. Salmon is perfectly charred & brushed with lemon, I go back for a second one, enjoying it with the asparagus & spinach salad.
After dinner, we are spread out on the deck, candles are glowing, fire pit going, deep-relaxation, a joint is being passed around, I kiss you on your neck as the fire melts away time & space.
END
- November 02, 2022
01
I am at a café on the Place de la Bastille, near my tiny flat — 1998, 27 years old, spending one year in Paris.
How it came about was pure chance, dial-up internet was introduced in the mid 90’s and I immediately pivoted to the sector as I had graduated from CU in 1995, exactly when it all started. Advertising agencies had no idea what to do with the internet even though they were closing big money contracts from all the major players.
Without this chance opening, persistence and meeting a few people, I would never have been able to find myself sitting at ad agency conference tables, working as a freelance contractor at first, then as art director on interactive campaigns (what those shitty banner ads were called at the time).
We were spending obscene amounts of time trying to figure out the front and back end of how it all worked, so much so that I didn’t even need to come into the office anymore. I decided to move to Paris for a year and work on freelance gigs with the ad agencies I knew back in NYC. It worked out beautifully, that run up to the March 2000 NASDAQ crash was one of the most decadent in history; that’s the broader context of that time but that’s not what this is about.
This is about being 27 while living in Paris for a year — discovering sensory EXP.
- October 24, 2022
02
I’m on my second espresso as I look through my messenger bag: long sleeve shirt, light jacket, water, André Breton’s Nadja, foldable laminated map of Paris, telephone card, notebook & pen; I take the last bite of my croissant, ready to go!
It’s like being in a dream to walk the streets of Paris after breakfast — all our favorite writers & painters struggled and experienced ecstasy in this beautiful city. Walking to Place de la Nation to meet a friend, a short walk along a tree-lined street as bright sunlight splashes the classic limestone buildings.
We met after I asked one of the bartenders at a bar I was going to about rentals and he referred me to her as her office was nearby and she was also a regular. Isabelle is a real estate agent, French-Moroccan; I never asked her age but she looks mid-30’s, so almost a decade older than I was.
I love her place, she shares a 2-bedroom with a photographer, he travels extensively, so the arrangement works for her; lovely view of the Place de la Nation rotunda, the flat was in exceptional condition with the whole works: original chevron hardwood flooring, plaster crown moulding & a huge marble fireplace. It was the kind of place (super lucky gem) that you would never find listed for sale because of the unobstructed view of the rotunda with a soaring sculpture, it would certainly be an off-market transaction if sold only to a close friend or relative.
- October 25, 2022
03
Standing in front of a Monet, Seurat, Picasso then Matisse at the Musée d’Orsay — we hit the street with a natural high, a euphoria from immersing in history. Isabelle tells me even though she’s been to this museum many times, she still gets that buzz from seeing the works.
Instead of hitting up a bistro, she suggests we pick up a few items and go sit by the Seine. Baguette, roquefort, comté & a bottle of red from the bourgogne region: we find a spot, place the food between us, the baguette is so light, airy inside, crispy on the outside, the cheeses, a complexity of flavor and the wine — so good!
I picked up a book of Egon Schiele’s work from one of the outdoor stalls and bring it out of my bag after we finish eating. I comment on how fascinated I am that this work was done in the early 1900’s, we talk about how radical his nudes must have been at the time. I have a Schiele print framed at my place in Miami Beach — got it in San Diego and brought it with me — love his work.
We walk through the Jardin des Tuileries and kick back on some chairs by a garden circle of flowers as the sun sets.
- October 26, 2022
04
Serge Gainsbourg track is playing as I look through her CD collection — Isabelle jumped in the shower. What an eclectic library of books — philosophy, art, photography & literature — I am looking at the Camus section, pulling them out to look at the covers, all in French. I can speak enough French to get by at a restaurant at best but I nonetheless read a few sentences of the Camus in French, finding it stimulates me in a way as I look out from the balcony at the statue in the center of the rotunda.
French people are broadly generalized or I should say Parisians are, as rural France is very different as being harsh socially. Like everywhere, you can find yourself dealing with a nasty person (asshole) but from my personal EXP, Paris was the easiest place to meet people compared to anywhere else I’ve lived, especially women.
Isabelle puts her arms around me from behind as I am changing the CD, she is wearing a bathrobe, fully open, naked. She tells me she is taking me out for tajine at her favorite Moroccan restaurant.
- October 26, 2022
05
We haven’t eaten anything since our baguette lunch, walked about 7-8 miles earlier in the day, so we’re ready to indulge our appetite at the table.
It’s packed, loud, but we have a table waiting. Good lighting at the tables, you can see your plate but overall very low lights, chalkboard menu, square black-stained wood tables. We are handed a handwritten sheet as our menu. Isabelle knows what’s good and proceeds to order for us.
Tajine is cooked/served in a ceramic dish, the funnel lid removed at the table — similar to persian stews served with rice. I love the eggplant stew the best of the three as I prefer meats grilled rather than in a stew, I’m digging into it with the rice, I order another bottle of wine.
I comment on how much I like the oversized vase at the entrance to the dining area with an arrangement of plant stems, telling her that something similar would look good at your place in the library, she loves the idea.
We are lit up nicely as we embrace/kiss on the sidewalk outside — where do you want to go next? She says some friends are going to be at a bar in Pigalle/Montmartre, do I want to meet them?
- October 27, 2022
06
I meet her friends but before I can order a round of drinks, Isabelle tells me we are invited to go to one of her friends’ place for a drink, says he has a very cool setup a short walking distance from the bar in Montmartre — let’s do it!
It’s two units combined into one, very long floor plan with many windows spanning an entire corner with fantastic views. I’m somewhat speechless at first but then get into rhythm as our host hands me a drink and says Isabelle tells me you’re an art director at a NYC advertising agency. At that time, art director’s worked exclusively in print, so I clarify that I have a degree in finance, worked in banking but I currently work as an art director on interactive campaigns. Banner ads for dial-up modems were a total joke (garbage) creatively but that was the opportunity available to me and it paid well.
He shows me some framed prints, really cool stuff — Bauhaus, Swiss & Dutch graphic design. Some candles are lit, we are stretched out in the living room, talking, drinking, someone mentions that they are craving to drive out to the country for a few days.
- October 27, 2022
07
As more people show up, the music turns upbeat, gets turned up, everyone disperses from the living room: some are at the kitchen bar, others by the windows looking at the view or in one of the five bedrooms.
Isabelle takes me to one of the bedrooms, gets on the bed and motions for me to join her; I tell her we should wait till we get back to her place. She tells me she is best friends with the host and that she was the one that helped him buy the neighboring unit to combine into one and it was a huge effort dealing with an old couple who had no initial interest in selling — no need to wait, okay!
I take off my clothes, the drapes are left open because we have complete privacy, no neighbors with a line of sight into the room. We move to the couch by the window, both of us looking at the blur of lights as we continue having sex. I climax first, then work to get her too. We lay out on the bed after, I ask her if we can crash on this bed for tonight, I don’t want to leave! She says for sure, she locked the bedroom door as we both chuckle.
Good times! More vignettes to come, peace & love from Miami Beach! Cheers!
- October 28, 2022
01
Sunlight filtering through a canopy of old growth trees: we just had a latte & pastry at Quartermaine Coffee Roasters in Bethesda — La Marzocco machine, expertly made with a nice lingering aftertaste from the crema.
We are at the trailhead of the Capital Crescent Trail, lovely late fall morning in November; I’m visiting relatives for Thanksgiving and we are going on a bike ride to Georgetown. It’s cold in the shade but pleasant in the sunlight, I wrap my light windbreaker around my waist and roll-up my long sleeve shirt, do some light stretching. I comment on how wonderful it is to have such a quality café just steps from the trailhead.
Breathing in rhythm, I am taken by the interplay of light with the geometry of tree branches, fall leaves — a blur of motion. As we approach Georgetown and the Potomac River comes into view, I motion to pull over. An exceptional view of old growth trees and flowing water — we walk a short distance closer to the cliff edge while our bikes are still in our peripheral line of sight, sharing a joint.
I start talking about how I love the old row homes around Dupont & Logan Circle in D.C. — both of us are laughing as I describe a scene to you: dark stained original hardwood floors, persian rug with deep reds, Restoration Hardware leather couch (deep set with down feather cushions), wine & jazz.
We mount and ride to Georgetown looking for a place for lunch & drinks.
- October 17, 2022
02
I take off my sunglasses, close my eyes for a moment as the warm sunlight bathes my face and penetrates my skin. We are kicked back on the Georgetown waterfront at Nick’s Riverside Grill, a round of draft IPA’s on the table.
I went on a solo trip to the museum yesterday, taking the metro. I begin to relate an exhibit I saw at the National Museum of the American Indian: do you know what happened when the earliest Americans first met the Native Americans? Thanksgiving is pure fiction in context of historical reality.
Earliest Americans were mostly traveling tribes of gold prospectors; the Natives would tell them to go ahead and find/take your gold but then leave; if they found any gold, instead of leaving would then brutally slaughter all the Natives, incredible, that’s how it all began!
We bounce from that conversation to how the weight of history is so palpable when you are in D.C. — for me, it’s the only city in the U.S. that I feel that way outside of San Francisco which also has that vibe.
Food arrives, we have an appetite built up and eat with enthusiasm — toasting our view & beautiful ride.
- October 18, 2022
03
Around 4 or 5 when we get back home, I have my own suite downstairs off the family room and guests are not coming over until after 7 for a dinner party so I decide to soak in a bath!
Do you have any candles? Look in the credenza: mostly stem but I find a few tea lights, take those, put them in glasses, light them. Soaking in the tub, my headspace now saturated: the old growth trees, taste of espresso crema, the thrill of the ride, the views of the Potomac, people watching, pints, then I linger on my trip to the exhibit from yesterday.
I am standing in the sculpture garden of the Hirshhorn Museum before walking to the nearby American Indian museum. Henry Moore sculptures are ubiquitous but nonetheless potent, I am getting lost in the patina & form.
I get dressed, jeans with an untucked navy button-down shirt & suede boots, then go upstairs, walking through the kitchen (lively with multiple persian dishes cooking) and hook up my iPhone to the Bose stereo and start streaming a classical piano concerto, then pouring myself a drink.
- October 18, 2022
04
After dinner, we go out on the deck standing, it’s too cold to sit down but feels good to be out in the cool night air under the moonlight — our bodies warm from food & drink. A relative is telling a persian joke, it’s hilarious; the older generation has a great oral history of being able to recite poetry or tell jokes.
I’m smiling from the laughter, sipping my wine I brought from the dinner table. We go inside as the dancing starts. Good dancing ability is definitely a turn on for me as I watch the ladies, I join in, do my best to shake it — LOL!
JOURNAL is going on 8 years, I like how it’s all coming together! Cheers!
- October 20, 2022
01
We dismount the chairlift, I’m carrying both my poles in one hand as we move to an open area. We timed it beautifully, the lifts are closed and we are at the peak of mountain.
Making plans to meet at the Park Hyatt Hotel outdoor fire pit located at the base of Beaver Creek mountain. Once you get going, you don’t see your partner because of traffic/differing speeds unless you make a deliberate effort so this last run is a chance to enjoy yourself solo and meetup at the fire pit.
I traverse to the side to take on some moguls, not too deep or steep. I’m not into very steep moguls especially in icy conditions (without fresh powder snow). Now hitting the smooth runs, a dramatic contrast to the bumps, you feel a nice sensation in your legs (distinctive) — an easy ride for the rest of the way.
Put my skis/poles in the nearby rack, taking off my gloves, goggles, face/neck wind protection sleeve, opening my jacket, exhaling as I run my hand over my face — the fire pit is raging! A big smile on my face as I move two adirondack chairs together, drop down and stretch out.
- October 03, 2022
02
We order pints, we want to go inside to sit at the bar for food but since we had a solid lunch, we can enjoy a few rounds by the fire.
I sit with my back to the fire on the stone ledge, the intense heat softens my eyes, body enters deep-relaxation — letting go. I gesture to you to come closer to me while making eye contact as I take a drink. I can smell your perfume, you freshened up in the restroom before showing up. Our coats are now off, thrown on our chairs as we embrace closely while finishing our second pints.
We go to the car to change out of our ski boots and put on jeans for dinner. Walking on the packed snow in regular shoes feels like your floating! Perceptual accentuation is why the ski EXP is so vivid as I’ve thought about this extensively as to why everything feels/tastes better.
Now at the bar: sitting on our coats draped over barstools looking at the menu.
- October 03, 2022
03
Strong taste of salt on the palate: bleu d’auvergne melted on a charred burger with onion marmalade, arugula on a toasted brioche; I take a bite, then a sip of a heavy-bodied California cabernet. I cut my burger in half and we share our meal; she ordered seafood pasta with mussels — the piping hot garlic broth tastes wonderful with the mussels/scallops.
We finish the bottle, order two glasses of a different wine, close out our tab and move to the fireplace. No good places to stay in Beaver Creek because it’s an exclusive resort town with very expensive hotels and furnished apartment rentals but I know of good places only a short drive away (20-25 minutes) from past experience. Lifts closed at 4 and it’s not even 9 at this point — still early, so we kick back on the couch by the fireplace with our wine.
Defroster turned on, John Coltrane is playing, we have a Jeep Grand Cherokee with snow tires so we’re rock solid for the drive. It’s in the car driving that suddenly the saturated mountain vistas from earlier start to flash in my headspace — Coltrane deserves credit for stimulating this sensation! I don’t think we even say a word to each other until we park at the hotel parking lot — both lost in the atmospherics/vibe.
Clean room with thick, bulky wood detailing typical of mountain towns, we freshen up, take showers, time to soak in the hot tub!
- October 04, 2022
04
Jets are bubbling, we have our arms stretched out over the side as the water pulsates our bodies — fantastic feeling, love it. I had a hot tub growing up at our house in high school, they are high maintenance, so you have to regularly use them for it to be worthwhile.
I focus on the rhythmic sound of bubbling water, the snow resting on evergreen trees in the periphery around us.
Around midnight, no one around, complete privacy — she straddles me, we kiss, pull our shorts down in the water.
Hot showers, I love bathrobes in this context but this a budget hotel, so we sit naked with multiple towels on the club chairs around the round table in our room. She lights a joint, takes a hit, exhales deeply and hands me the joint, then starts digging in her bag, bringing out some chocolate truffles. Where did you get these? She bought them from the gift shop in Beaver Creek after going to the restroom before the fire pit.
- October 05, 2022
05
Embracing post-orgasm for an extended moment, now I get up, take two glasses, fill one with bottled water and another with a red wine single from the hotel mini-bar.
I’m sitting at the table as you prop yourself up on pillows in bed with your legs elevated over a mound of a tangled sheet & blanket. We talk about what it would be like to live in a small mountain town year ‘round. I bring up that the area around Lake Dillon is a good choice as it has a lot of condos that were built and it’s just before the ski resorts (30-45 minutes).
She is talking about how beautiful Steamboat Springs is, that’s one of the few ski resorts I haven’t been to in Colorado and know it has a reputation for very heavy snowfall. I was in a ski club in junior high & high school, so we would get dropped off at a parking lot early in the morning on Saturdays and take a private charter bus to various ski resorts — about 15 to 20 trips a season, obviously I would pass sometimes due to other plans.
Definitely a highlight EXP, this is fun to create vignettes of some of my memories — lot more to come — fascinating when you challenge yourself, what experiences are actually vivid enough to write about? Cheers!
- October 10, 2022
01
I hail a cab, we jump into the back of it. ‘Take us through Central Park, some scenic routes before you drop us off at …’ — the cabbie knows where to go and says sure.
We had met some of my work colleagues for brunch, multiple bloody mary’s, they were good with a coarsely cracked spice blend that left a lingering taste on your lips.
It’s Saturday afternoon, my first year in NYC, I’m with a girl that I’ve been dating for several months; we met at a party I was invited to by my landlord who I’m renting my place from.
Very old school New Yorker (the landlord), a retired attorney who owns a bunch of real estate. Naturally curly hair, glasses, definitely talks with a distinctive accent, she’s jewish, very warm — loves to have fun and knows a lot of people.
After the park joyride, we get dropped off at my place, a 2-bedroom I’m sharing with a roommate. This was my first place in NYC in 1997 and I’m a light sleeper (I envy heavy sleepers) so I had a lot of trouble falling asleep at night from all the noise from the traffic, delivery trucks, sirens and so on.
We are going to Smalls Jazz Club tonight, the legendary live jazz venue located in a small basement in Greenwich Village.
- September 12, 2022
02
Standing by the window, her long hair over her shoulders, she is wearing tight Diesel jeans tucked into high boots with a fitted beige v-neck sweater — what time are we going out?
I just opened a bottle of wine, we’re not hungry (still full from a big brunch) and want to be light, handing her a glass. Smalls is a place you go after midnight I tell her, it’s a basement dump but the history is intense (it’s an EXP), we need to be in the flow to enjoy it, showing up cold won’t cut it.
We are in SoHo now, walking around, lovely Saturday night vibe, crowded sidewalks, we sit at a pocket park off Spring Street to take a break, then deciding on a bar we passed earlier that looked good for a round of drinks.
We go with cocktails so as to not get too fatigued; I get a vodka with a splash of grapefruit and she goes with a vodka/cranberry. Nice scene: view of the sidewalk, soft blur of lights as we talk about an upcoming exhibit we want to see at MoMA.
- September 14, 2022
03
We pay a cover to get in and head down the stairs, entering a room with small round deuce tables, it’s tight but I immediately turn my focus to the stage, tuning out the seating area. Our table is in a decent location, it’s dumb luck what available table you find when you walk in.
I’m mesmerized by the stage area, intently scanning every detail — the rugs on the floor, framed photographs, the contours of the black piano, the instruments on display in their pedestals.
She wants a glass of red wine but I convince her to join me in a round of Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. I don’t recall the name of who was headlining the set that night but it was a talented young saxophonist. At that time, it was set up as jam sessions featuring different musicians from 8 to 4 am with the hotter, more in demand acts coming on after 11.
Jamming — lovely, it’s indescribable because music is an unmediated EXP. Unmediated means that no intervening forces are between you and the stimuli — direct EXP.
Good times, definitely a highlight moment for me. I listen to jazz everyday; in the mornings I always start with classical with my morning coffee but the jazz comes into play either in the afternoon or in the evening — a continuous presence in my life. Cheers!
- September 19, 2022
01
We go on a bike ride to South of Fifth Pier (southern most tip of the beach) from our place. It’s around 30 miles round-trip, since Miami Beach is entirely flat, an easy ride.
Spending an hour on the sand, then heading back, sudden unexpected downpour of rain, we’re completely soaked. I’ve acclimated to South Florida rain, heat & humidity so I’m unfazed and start screaming lyrics from a song playing on my headphones while being pounded by rain as I urge you to keep riding — just water!
Now refreshing hot showers, wine is flowing — we have a baguette, a really good aged gouda from Whole Foods, genoa salami along with a salad tossed together of arugula, broccoli florets & olives. Slow jazz is playing on low volume.
Trying a new incense from Japan, smells like burnt leaves & rose water as we read poetry while challenging each other to describe a scene.
Positive vibrations! Cheers!
- November 17, 2021
01
I lived in the Venice Beach/Marina del Rey area for about two years: One year in Venice Beach on an annual lease and about a year in Marina del Rey with a month to month lease. Both places were tiny studios with hardwood floors and full mini-kitchen; my setup was kitchen, round table with 4 chairs and a futon. I am likely afflicted with the inverse condition of a hoarder as despite such a small space, I had all the essentials I needed with zero clutter. I should point out that I was in my early 30’s, this was the two year period that preceded my move to San Diego for grad school to get my M.Arch (3+ years with unrelated undergrad degree).
Both setups were only one block from the ocean directly off Speedway (the alley) and I had numerous first-rate cafés just steps away. I would go out for coffee every morning, drink some of it people watching with the regulars and then drift off to the beach, put my headphones on, taking in the ocean view before starting my day.
I am drinking my morning coffee at Groundwork Coffee Co. talking to a regular who shares my morning routine, he’s relating a fascinating story about how public art installations work: who pays for them, how the artists are selected, in great detail as a big new piece was installed off the beach boardwalk last week.
- December 19, 2022
02
I take a shower, get dressed — 15 minute walk, meeting some friends at Chaya Venice for dinner. We leave our name with the hostess and are having drinks at the bar. Lychee martinis here are outstanding, I’m on my second one — our table is ready.
We order a wide array of sushi & rolls, super-fresh quality, with hot sake, it’s an EXP if you know what to order — leaving with a warm glow on our faces. Do you want to pick up a bottle of wine from the grocery store and sit on the beach?
It gets chilly at night in SoCal, pleasant mid-50’s. I’m wearing a blazer with jeans and everyone has a jacket of some kind with them. We walk toward Marina del Rey to hit the beach as it’s generally safer at night and more private.
We take off our shoes, no one is wearing socks. Grey sky with silver retention, lovely — we sit close together as the sound of crashing surf elevates our flow, I enter a state of expansiveness.
END
- December 19, 2022
01
Coffee with Baileys Irish Cream, big slice of pecan pie, around 9 — end of year vibes — we are going rollerblading from Venice Beach to Santa Monica, all the way to end of path.
Sitting on the sidewalk, strapping blades on: I’m decent on blades but she used to ice skate when younger and can run circles around me; also, I don’t like to wear any additional gear, so I take it easy, knowing I can stay upright from skiing at an early age.
It’s a rush to rollerblade, the sensation of motion is unlike anything (except skiing) and the Venice Beach to Santa Monica stretch is the dream playground for it.
I haven’t taken up rollerblading in Miami Beach, too crowded on the boardwalk with pedestrians and on the street is no fun because Miami drivers are high-risk and it’s a real possibility of getting hit by a car; the joy of blading is in letting go, being hyper-aware of getting runover is a buzzkill.
- December 21, 2022
02
On the sand, we are stretched out, blades off, it’s a solid workout blading due to the mental acuity & physical agility of maintaining balance in motion; where should we go for lunch & drinks?
I suggest we go to the Whole Foods in Brentwood for grilled chicken panini sandwiches & salad, you’re not supposed to drink beer/wine on their outdoor terrace but we’ve done it before, nobody cares as long as you are discreet about it. Also, that trek up San Vicente Boulevard goes through one of the most scenic residential neighborhoods in the country — yeah, let’s do it — on blades!
- December 21, 2022
03
A friend has invited us over for after-dinner drinks at 10, we’re dog tired from the blading & sun but decide to go. I would run into him around town and we bonded because we spent so many mornings together at the same coffee shop.
He plays roller hockey in a parking lot in Santa Monica off the boardwalk, invited me to join him but I passed after I saw how intense their games are with pads. He’s a naturally good looking guy, someone you want to go out drinking with because he’s a good conversationalist and girls are attracted to his looks.
We show up at 10, his place is in Marina del Rey, five minutes away. It’s an old building, not well-designed but it’s oceanfront, ocean view. He embraces us and pours us a glass of wine, several bottles are already open on the kitchen counter.
After a few glasses, we are craving a game of pool. We walk to a bar we regularly go to that has two tables. In the alley, the fresh salt air hits me, I look up at the sky, a blur of grey streaked with clouds.
END
- December 22, 2022
01
I’m big time enjoying this year’s FIFA World Cup 2022, love that Lio Messi made the final today; the last few World Cup’s were personally forgettable for whatever reason as I have absolutely no enduring memory of them, not even traces of.
Most recent World Cup that stands out for me was back in 2006, when Italy beat France in a penalty shootout. I was living in San Diego, going to grad school, my girlfriend at the time lived in Little Italy and we watched the final at a street party in her neighborhood on a huge screen with friends — epic, intense joy, a highlight EXP.
We’re in the kitchen on the phone separately coordinating calls with friends who are coming over; just show up, it’s a street party, they’ve closed the street and put up a huge screen, plenty of food & drink there, take a cab or ride your bike though as parking or driving is a bad idea.
- December 13, 2022
02
Picnic benches are placed in the front half with round high-tops in the back; we put two round tables together for the five of us. A few of us are tasked with getting food from the stalls as we all got the chianti wrist bands.
Two boxes of pizza, 5 orders of polpette (meatballs) and 5 bowls of paella: the young girls & guys going around refilling our chianti cups are definitely imbibing and having a good time.
When I say wine is mostly contextually influenced, this is a prime example. You obviously wouldn’t serve Barolo or Brunello to a crowd of hundreds watching the game but it wouldn’t matter if you did because what you are doing, the flow you are in is more relevant to having a good time than cheap house chianti versus top-shelf Barolo.
By the time the penalty shootout commences, the crowd is on the edge of climax; Italy wins, it’s an ecstatic blur for several minutes, the looks on people’s faces, the body language of the crowd, good times!
END
- December 14, 2022
01
We are staying at a friend’s place in San Francisco, it’s a second floor walk-up in an old row home in Noe Valley. She travels a lot for work and lets friends/family stay at her place; she left us a note next to car keys for a vintage Alfa-Romeo convertible in mint condition. Years later, I found out it was a gift from one of her boyfriends.
Going for a drive: we go up Fillmore Street then through Presidio Park, taking the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito. We left the top up because it’s grey/overcast but roll down the windows once we hit the bridge, the air is both dense & fresh; we look at each other excitedly — the thrill of being in San Fran for the first time is in full effect once you’re on the bridge.
Yesterday, we walked up and down the streets for hours and had a great lunch of fish & chips with Oysters Rockefeller, was amazing, definitely a lot of locals, super loud (acoustics) as we sat at the narrow bar, definitely an EXP. We weren’t planning on taking the car since it’s only a 3-day trip (Thursday night to Monday morning) but our feet are totally sore.
- December 07, 2022
02
Sausalito is lovely, we don’t have a destination in mind as it’s all new for us. We are driving up narrow residential streets, immensely enjoying the atmospherics, stopping to take the top down.
Alan Watts lived on a houseboat in the nearby marina, we’re talking about that, a lot of the 60’s/70’s era musicians live in this area. I relate that it wasn’t until the late 70’s that real estate prices boomed due to the innovation of securitization (packaged loans for income), before then in the 60’s & early 70’s it was cheap to live in San Francisco by comparison to today.
She’s now talking about the tea ceremony video of Alan Watts in Mount Tamalpais — beautiful & relaxing. Interior of the Alfa-Romeo is exceptionally maintained, I’m impressed with the finishes, the way the stick shift feels, the hum of the engine.
Let’s do Indian food tonight, I’m in the mood for the spices/cardamom & curries. She suggests we go to a supermarket and just get some fruit for lunch, since Indian food is heavy with rice/bread. We pick up grapes, apricots & plums from a market, finding a place on the marina to park near some benches.
- December 07, 2022
03
We light a black candle, it’s big, has 3 wicks, she says she wants one of these; let’s look for one tomorrow on Haight-Ashbury, it’ll fit in our suitcase. For dinner, we had a sampling of tandoori grilled meats, two vegetarian dishes plus rice & naan. We brought the leftover naan home (wrapped in foil), it will go well toasted with a salad tomorrow.
Dark colored walls come alive at night with the dimmed lighting, during the day it can seem a little dark but at night, it’s very intimate — outside world recedes!
I pull out a gold tray on the floor, visible from under the coffee table: a film canister, rolling papers and a lighter. I open the container, some big buds of weed, she tells me to hand her the tray and begins to roll a joint.
We’re baked, it was strong sativa, she is modeling a kaftan for me, laughing, the vivid colors are fantastic. It’s not clear what our friend does for a living, I know she doesn’t have a 9 to 5 type job, at one point I do recall she was doing import/export of textiles, her family are wealthy merchant types. We’re walking around her place admiring the items she’s collected, it’s a small place but very appealing.
- December 08, 2022
04
We’re exploring the shops on Fillmore and Haight-Ashbury.
My favorite is a shop that sells incense, candles and hand-made items from tribal regions, it also has framed original concert posters along with racks of band T-shirts. I remember I had a U2 T-shirt I had bought at the The Unforgettable Fire Tour (1984) and I cut off the sleeves and would wear it to soccer practice with my cleats and thought it looked really cool!
Looking back, It blows my mind how many live shows I went to as a teenager starting as early as age 13. I would say my parents are socially liberal but overall conservative. I’m the only person in our family who turned out very liberal who supports progressives.
No doubt going to so many live shows in my teens and early twenties influenced me. I guess it depends on the music you listen to but in my view music culture is built on a humanistic philosophy: life is beautiful, let’s help each other out, it’s unnecessary to fuck people over and be an asshole. As people get older, they become dominated by the scarcity model of capital: there’s not enough for everyone, I have mine, fuck everyone else — that’s our existing model of permanent conflict & hostility — over perceived scarcity.
Her favorite shop was a jeans boutique featuring brands from around the world; she bought 2 pairs that fit her body perfectly. We also picked up a beautiful Japanese ceramic platter as a thank you gift for our friend.
END
- December 09, 2022
01
Wake up feelin’ brand new: last night, we had dinner at a hotel where some relatives were staying. I ordered filet mignon with a side of asparagus & french fries. My girlfriend ordered crab legs with a side of mushrooms — multiple bottles of wine.
We had brought my relatives two bottles of Malbec to their hotel room. After dinner, we open one of them at a table overlooking the pool. Dark purple tinged night sky, lush plants, lovely lit up swimming pool: we embrace them goodbye after a glass and stroll the boardwalk before catching an Uber home.
Let’s go out for morning espressos & croissants from Rosetta Bakery, enjoy them on the beach. We debate riding bikes but instead decide to take an Uber because bikes are only good if you go and come back since you can’t lock them up (out of sight) and we want the flexibility to stay in South Beach all day.
- March 08, 2023
02
Two double macchiatos in ceramic cups, 2 croissants and a fruit pastry in a bag. We enjoy the macchiatos at a table, has a wonderful crema after-taste, saving the pastry to split on the sand later.
We go into the alley before Loews Hotel to access the boardwalk, walking north to around 25th Street, laying out a bedsheet.
We do the sun salutation yoga sequence, ten times. I play an upbeat house music album (DJ Boris’s Believe In the Music) on my airpods while looking at the horizon line; the golden sunshine, horizon line merge with the uplifting rhythm of the music to elevate my awareness. I smile and start laughing when the chorus of one of the tracks is: ‘You fucking me makes me bilingual.’
END
- March 09, 2023
01
Post-work: we ride our beach cruisers to the beach from our place in Crown Point. My rental is directly on the walking path that leads to Pacific Beach in San Diego.
We lay our bikes down on the elevated grassy promontory, the yoga gathering area (during the day) with fantastic views of the ocean. I have my legs open, she is sitting between my legs, my head on her shoulder, both looking at the view. We brought a basket of food & wine.
After an extended moment acclimating to the scenery, I bring over our basket, break off pieces of the baguette, as she slices aged gouda, pouring us two stemless glasses of cabernet. Sitting cross-legged, enjoying the view, the taste of the baguette, richness of the aged gouda, washed down with a strong, flavorful cabernet — feels ecstatic!
I’m wearing loose drawstring navy sweat pants with a mostly unbuttoned beige linen shirt; she rubs my chest after finishing her glass of wine, putting her hand in my shirt, smiling, swinging her long hair around, we kiss.
- March 02, 2023
02
Sun is low, setting; I close my eyes as the full blast saturates my visual cortex — incredible, a full reset!
Looking back: I would say this period in San Diego catching the sunsets while drinking wine profoundly affected me as it also coincided with my daily awareness practice of morning meditation & yoga. Good times, good memories! Cheers!
END
- March 03, 2023
01
We’re heading back to Boulder after a trip to Breckenridge, was partly sunny for most of the day but began snowing around 3. Road conditions are going to be icy so we skipped our usual après-ski.
I roll down the window a crack as I’m driving for fresh air, the defroster is cranked to keep the windshield clear, some friends are passing around a flask of Wild Turkey whiskey, I pass when offered. We are throwing a pre-party at my place tonight on the hill, I can wait ‘til then. Wild Turkey has an intense burn, straight, I had a sip before we went timber bashing earlier on the slope.
Sinking into deep fresh powder snow surrounded by trees is an indescribable sensation — amazing — but you need to be careful not to slam into a tree as these areas are considered off-slope and may include protruding branches that catch your legs.
Snow is falling hard now but I’m relaxed, listening to jazz, knowing we have snow tires, anti-lock brakes and 4-wheel drive.
- February 15, 2023
02
I drop my friends off. I gave my girlfriend a key to my place, she said she was going to make some appetizers. When I get home, I immediately get undressed and hop in the shower, letting the hot water soak my back, feels good.
She hasn’t started making any appetizers so I tell her: change of plans. I bought top sirloin, snow peas & mushrooms yesterday when I went shopping, let’s do a stir-fry with soy sauce. I’ll order them pizzas for the pre-party, let’s enjoy a nice dinner for two and then we’ll pass on eating the pizzas ourselves.
We bring out the ingredients and begin cooking while enjoying a glass of wine. I’m describing the scenery from earlier in the day as we eat & drink while she relates some gossip about one of her close friends: tell your friend to come over tonight.
- February 15, 2023
03
Two bottles of tequila, 8 shot glasses, a glass bowl with limes, cutting board, big bowl of tortilla chips & salsa, 2 NY-style 18 inch pizzas (one cheese, other pepperoni), paper plates are placed on the kitchen counter and dining table plus 24 beers in the fridge. I’m wearing a v-neck long-sleeve henley with loose black linen drawstring pants, she’s got a spaghetti strap top on under a ski jacket, tight jeans, wedge heels with a rubber walking tread.
My place has an outdoor landing by the door that has a bench with a view of the courtyard, there’s no backyard; we’re sitting there greeting friends as they trickle in. We have a couple of big parties happening tonight, this is just a get together before we walk over later around 11.
I take a shot of tequila with a friend, I’m only doing one or two max to get in the mood to let go, I want to take ecstasy later with my girlfriend and her friends but much later around midnight, when we are at the big house party with a live band.
- February 15, 2023
04
Heightened sense of touch from the ecstasy kicks in — my girlfriend tells me she wants to leave, says it’s too crowded; she drinks but is not into this type of hard partying scene.
We walk to her friend’s place, she shares a beautiful 4-bedroom home with roommates; they’re rich hippies, her and her roommates, they love the Grateful Dead, 60’s culture, going to live shows but without the stylized looks.
We go up to her friend’s bedroom, it’s a king mattress on the floor with a lot of candles, incense, pillows, colorful semi-transparent patterned throws all around.
Girls change into oversized T-shirts, removing their bras. Her friend puts on Puccini’s Madame Butterfly Opera on low volume and then goes downstairs to get us some water. My girlfriend tells me her friend likes me and to just go with the flow — okay.
We’re on the bed kissing, the three of us, I look above, a huge map of the world is mounted on the ceiling above her bed.
END
- February 16, 2023
01
CU Boulder was the only college I applied to, applied early and got my acceptance letter. Boulder was a fantasyland for me as a first step in starting life. We did a lot of partying!
In my view, partying hard expands your sense of clarity because it allows you to be open, see new possibilities. From my EXP, the critical pre-requisite for that expansion to occur is intellectual stimulation.
If you enjoy reading from an early age, unprompted, completely of your own initiative then you are receptive to change whereas if you don’t read, don’t like school, then hard partying makes you worse for wear because your receptors/synapses are not turned on.
I still have a photographic memory of the different neighborhoods in Boulder.
It’s my second year (sophomore), after a year in the dorms, I have a one bedroom just across campus in an area called On the Hill.
- January 23, 2023
02
Jump in the shower, get dressed, clean up the place, I put some folders in a leather messenger bag, now sitting in the sun at a café with coffee and a scone. I stretch my legs over the brick ledge, head feels fresh — brand new day.
Last night, I went to a house party with a live band; behind where the band played were several large framed prints of Monet’s Water Lilies. Host of the party is well-known because he drives a late model BMW and is a white guy with dreadlocks, he’s done a lot of acid.
Boulder is unique in the way the surrounding areas are laid out in relation to the campus — very restrictive development ordinances. So you have these big, beautiful homes that are leased to students; one from last night had 4 bedrooms with a nice backyard.
I finish my coffee and walk to the library. On the steps, a friend invites me to a party tonight in Mapleton Hill.
- January 23, 2023
03
I’m deciding between a pair of faded, looser jeans and a more fitted, darker one; I go with the more fitted, a long sleeve shirt and leather ankle-high boots. I roll a few joints and put them in a hard cigarette pack; I don’t smoke cigarettes but just use the pack.
House in Mapleton Hill is fantastic, it’s a smaller get together: pony keg of beer, burgers & brats being grilled.
After a burger, a few beers, a friend tells me to come with him; we are in the upstairs living room, the adjoining balcony has a view of old maple trees in the backyard.
He brings out some small squares of paper blotted with LSD, says this is high quality. We take one, my friend & I including two girls, the third girl asks for hers to be cut in half and she takes the half. We watch Pink Floyd’s The Wall (the film starring Bob Geldof) as we sink into the couch.
- January 23, 2023
04
We are sitting cross-legged on the balcony, on a rug with pillows, glasses of sparkling water.
Going around describing what we see: I say I see a stream of running water, in it are hundreds of objects and I’m able to see all of them in great detail simultaneously; how I’m conscious of my physical brain for the first time, how powerful consciousness is; how I see details and connections that are so vivid.
I’m standing with my friend, we’re looking at the backyard trees, the night air is so fresh, we smile at each other, both completely taken by the beauty of the botanical & geological world we inhabit together as peaceful beings.
END
- January 25, 2023
01
I took a hot shower, then rubbed some cold, pure aloe vera gel on — body feels super-relaxed & fresh. It’s my turn to make dinner as she soaks in a bath.
I’m sautéing oyster & cremini mushrooms with kale in olive oil, it’s caramelized, then finished with balsamic. We have fresh spinach/cheese tortellini pasta that cooks in just a few minutes, I prepare the water and open the container, setting it by the pot for when we’re ready.
We have two bottles of Côtes du Rhône on the kitchen bar, I refill our glasses. She’s wearing pajamas now and steps on my foot with her bare foot as she grabs her wine from the counter while placing her arm around my shoulder — looks good, let’s do it, turning the water on. We plate the food restaurant style for fun with height, cracking course pepper.
We have a YouTube fireplace going with candles, a live track from a Sade concert is playing from a slow music playlist.
- December 01, 2022
02
We are going through a stack of poetry books placed on the kitchen bar, pick a poem that stimulates you and read it aloud.
I read a poem by Jack Gilbert, she picks Lawrence Ferlinghetti. We start a conversation about walking in cities — what’s your favorite city for walking in: not beach or park but dense urban core? I say Paris, it’s not even close, she agrees but points out how much we both love the High Line in NYC.
Art Basel Miami Beach 2022 is happening right now, we’re skipping the main fair this year but want to check out some parties at hotel bars sponsored by drink brands that we received e-mail invites for — let’s go tomorrow and see what happens, maybe we’ll get inspired (get in the mood) to go to the fair!
END
- December 02, 2022
01
Cold air on skin, sunlight — fall leaves (burnt orange, mocha earth), we are walking in the neighborhood around Wash Park in Denver. We pass newly renovated heavy-set craftsman homes, next to modern volumes with aluminum cladding including various panel systems, a dusting of snow on the ground.
High-elevation sun, the cold dry air is much harsher than the soft golden sunshine back home in Miami Beach — as I become aware of the extreme contrast, my perception accentuates, gives me a euphoria, smiling at you.
We are at Homegrown Tap & Dough with Superpower IPA pints from Comrade Brewing Co. locally based in Denver. Patina of corten steel, dancing flames — we opt to stand & drink around the fire pit. I’m wearing black Adidas sweat pants with gold stripes, she is wearing leggings with an Aztec pattern and high boots with a thick rubber tread.
I walk over to admire some large rocks placed on the gravel near the fire pit, looks like rough cuts of granite or some other sedimentary rock, so beautiful!
- November 23, 2022
02
We pick up a big container of tomato basil soup with focaccia. I grate some parmesan, crack pepper on the focaccia, toasting it.
In front of the fireplace, we move the coffee table to the side, put out some big pillows on the rug. Soup has a nice heat/flavor (cayenne/basil), the bread is good quality.
We are doing a wine tasting of several Malbecs from a small boutique wine shop we found nearby. I can’t stand wine tasting notes, what’s relevant is dry or sweet, the rest is up to you and no doubt contextually influenced. I don’t like sweet/jammy Malbecs, all of these are fortunately dry.
You are resting on your arms behind you, your head tilted back, long hair just above the floor, wearing sweats and wool socks. Heat of the fire is starting to get to us, plus the wine, we”re getting hot, you take off your sweat pants and I take off my shirt and wear it around my neck.
- November 23, 2022
03
We’re talking about a massage she got at her gym last week; she’s elaborating in detail on the different methods/styles available. I ask her which ones she’s tried/prefers.
I’m lying face down on the couch as she demonstrates; oh that’s good, keep going!
END
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Cheers!
- November 24, 2022
